What you do not know about your favorite Planet of the Apes (2001) star

My man Mark Wahlberg has a secret he may not want to share. His image is hard, gritty and sexy in Calvin Klein underpants. Well, he may double time as an Antique Roadshow host. I believe I may be the first person to put this together since many of the Antique viewers have not the stomach for gansta rap or great Sci-fi, rough-n-tumble street violence and/or extreme acting. Let me show you the pictures so that you can decide.

Marky Mark a.k.a. Mark Wahlberg


Mark Wahlberg a.k.a. Roadshow pleaser


I think these pictures are speaking volumes, enough for your empty bookshelves. Feel free to share this information with everyone you know but please tell them where you heard it from, be safe, practice citations.

Do you worry about China?

If you have watching the news lately you may have heard a thing or two about China and America's worries with the economy, environment and over-population. I am here today to announce a solution, smoking. China already has a large population of smokers. A recent news story on PBS stated that 60% of Chinese males smoke. Here is how it solves almost every problem that many are worrying about.
Over-Population: As more people smoke in China, they may become more ill and take the sharp edge off of the birth rate. Not only would the actual smokers catch the emphysema or wonderlung while pumping life-sapping haze into the air for those of the Chinese population who choose to not smoke.
Environment: I think smoking is good for tree's and actually cleans filthy soot in the air because it hides clean air from deadly gases that seep out of filthy chinese automobiles. I can't tell you where I heard that fact but I am pretty certain it is solid.
Economy: The United States keeps pumping monopoly money into the Chinese economy in the form of bonds that we really do not expect to pay back. This worries some people who do not like games. Smoking can cure these issues as well. As many people in the mighty Red state begin to develop coffee-stirrer windpipes, American financial institutions can sit and wait for the Chinese Finance Department to not make it up the stairs in their high-rise offices. Problem Solved!
American's need to stop worrying about developing countries and their growing pain problems. I have seen Mad Men and know that America was just like China a few decades ago and frankly, those Americans had more class. They wore hats and suits instead of pajama jeans and Bump-its. Even though Bump-its add a special space to hide cigarettes to help solidify the lie, "This is my last smoke," even though a secret stash is hiding in your voluptuous hair.

In conclusion, we Americans have better things to worry about like a great space program. We need to get to space before China wants real money and overruns the earth with tar stained teeth and stale breath.

I made a deposit of Geocache in the Earth Bank

The past two days I have been chumming it up with my roommates and searching for treasure. So far we have found 7 caches which makes me poor compared to many of the Bend area cachers who already have 1000+ deposited, but I feel rich in spirit and that is all that matters. How do I find these treasure boxes? Easy. I have a beagle that uses sound to find things instead of his olfactory senses. I tell him exact coordinates all the way down to seconds and he points me in the right direction.
Here is a picture of the people that I was caching with. They found everything just fine and even have smiles on their faces. They may lose a little sunshine when they found out there is no geocaching merit badge in my scout book.


Speaking of my new pet, when he needs to be washed I throw him in the Japanese style dog washing machine and let him have it. Don't know what one of those looks like? Check out the video.



Yep, that thing is real and a big reason as to why I want to visit Tokyo. Think it inhumane? I think inhumane is bad things done to people like biting and scratching. Better learn some vocabulary and use the term incanine to get across dog cruelty. Thanks for learning something today.

Lava Lands or Bowsers Castle!

Today we made an adventure into the Lava Lands a.k.a. Bowser's Castle. The place is neat and full of rocks. There is also a river that turns white and froths as it moves downstream through the lair of Mario's nemesis. We were unable to find Princess Peach, any geocaches or free drinks; However, I am content. Why and How you may ask? Just watch the photo slide and you will understand.

Dumbledor's Drink Of choice

This drink is great. I believe this is a testament to the wizarding worlds existence

Why is this, Pepsi Max with a hint of lime: Cease Fire, magic? It actually works. It is made to "Cool the Burn" and it does. Have you ever made food and thought, "This is too hot!" This drink fixes that by cooling the tongue with secret ingredients only wizards understand. I tested this out with a new line of Dorito's called Dorito's BURN. I ate some chips and then drank the Pepsi and the Burn went away. I wanted to test it more so I covered a chip in Hot Sirachi sauce, that asian hot sauce with a rooster on the bottle, and rubbed it on my tongue. The burn began to develop into an unbearable fire waiting to create a blister on my tender mouth skin. As soon as I could bear it no more, I doused the flame with Pepsi Max and was saved.

Again, I have no idea how this works and if you do, please do not tell me. As far as I am concerned, this was developed at Hogwarts. Thank you Muggle-lovers for this wonderful soft drink.

DDR Disappoint

The other day I went to Sun River to play DDR. I find myself there about once a week playing on the Dance Dance Revolution Supernova machine listening to Golden Sky, V and Dynamite Rave for one to two hours. This week I was interrupted. Erin and I were playing and this huge group of high school kids walked in. They gathered just behind us and began to talk. I could feel how restless they were but our play still had three songs. I knew they wanted to steal the pads and beat the beat so after our credit was up, I offed them a chance to play. One young man took it gratefully and the rest of the crowd gathered around to watch him. More kids came out from nowhere and I began to believe that he could very well be Cokeboy a.k.a. the high score holder for most of the songs on the machine. I sat with sweaty palms waiting to be impressed.
This ratty looking kid with van's from Kohl's tied too tight and a ponytail hanging down his back mounted the machine and began searching for a song. He came to one and stopped. I noticed he was still only on difficult. He pressed play and the crowd started to murmur loudly.
"Oh Hell Yeah!"
"Show us what you got"
"Blow me away" (That was said by a girl who was not watching the screen. She may have been talking about something else.

The song began and so did the sloppy footwork. My dreams were crushed. This was some punk kid that had friends. I should have known that if he were really good he would be limited to a small posse, not an entourage. I waited for him to finish embarrassing himself. All the people that were there to watch him lost interest. He finished the song and left the dance pads which Erin and I immediately took back. We played a few more rounds and the kids did not leave. They sat around and made noise in the Sun River arcade.
The whole experience made me reflect on disappointment and judgement. What if the kid had recently recovered from surgery or Chemo? Who knows? As long as he had fun and his group felt like they were helping out then great for them. I hope they are happy now and that is the real point of DDR, right? Unless you play no expert.
Watch the Videos below if you want some Non-disappointing DDR.

New Diet Ideas

I see many different diet ideas on TV and in bookstores but I think I can do better. I have sat down and thought of a few sure-fire diets that will burn calories and really get people movin'.

DDR diet: This is simple, play DDR for 3 consecutive hours a day. If you do not lose weight in a week let me know and I will pay for lypo-suction. That is because my diets are guaranteed to work.

Gluten-Free Diet: I tried this one not too long ago and it worked. I could not eat fast food anymore so I made my own food. I should also mention that I am lazy and ate once a day due to this. If it worked for me it will work for everyone.

Shop without shopping carts diet: Pretty self explanatory. Buy all of your groceries for a week without using a shopping cart or bags, only what you can carry. This encourages weight training and hand strength.

The NEW TV diet: To make this diet work you must be careful about what you watch while you eat. Watch a commercial real with commercials from the Animal Shelter, Christian African Help-Out Team, Political Ads and Ped-Egg ads. If those do not curb your appetite I suggest growing a soul.

Here is a list of reasons why people fail dieting.
Watching the biggest loser does not burn more calories than watching America's Funniest home Videos.
Thinking about exercise may make people tired but it does not do much to speed the metabolism.
Low Calorie food is not very addicting. I can't stop eating Pringles because I already popped but lettuce, a little easier to stop.
Handicap auto privileges and valued customer carts are only incentives for people to let go. Let's stop making it hard to diet by removing these tantalizing options. Help by clicking here.

If you like my ideas you should vote for me in the upcoming election. I will be running as a Write-In which means you may write my name in the ballot and I will personally represent you.

Adult Coloring Book

I have been working on coloring an adult coloring book. I would love to share the progress that I have made but I have no scanner. Maybe I will post a picture that my cell phone took.
The title of the book is Lactaid Dreams. It can be purchased here. Before you become too excited, an adult coloring book is not full of naked people. They would be teen coloring books with a level five difficulty rating. The picture I am working on is of slimy beasts eating fruit with faces at a fruit stand. Kozyndan, the artist team of matrimonial lovers, makes pretty cool things. I would recommend looking at their stuff and maybe purchasing it for me.
This may be the most interesting post for a while so enjoy it.