The most American

What does it mean to be American? I thought hard about this as I celebrated the birth of our nation. I thought about the glorious red stripes on our flag as I blasted bottles with a .40 caliber pistol. The blue backdrop to 50 stars came into mind as I shot a golf ball one hundred yards away. Stars were defiantly in my eyes as I explored an underground lava tube. I proudly stood up next to all of the cars in the driveway as I washed them. I walked barefoot in the grass under the shadow of a flag as I thought about everything but the water-supply that sprayed the dry earth shortly there after. For dinner, I went to Little Ceasars, bought a hot and ready birthday cake, came home and watched an over the top action movie. I guess you could say I spent my country's birthday doing everything I could to be Alpha-American. Here are some reasons why I am the most patriotic person in the country.

Listen to this song as you read the rest of the post
I want one tattoo, a bald eagle across my back with red wings and a blue body. It will be holding a gun in one talon and a confederate flag in the other.

I have two stuffed eagles on my wall. I know it is illegal to big brother but I think I should be allowed to worship however I see fit.
I have never heard of french toast, I only know about Texas Toast.
My truck is lifted 20 inches, has a V8, gets 8 miles to the gallon and I added a Calvin figurine on the back that sprays gasoline on any Prius behind me.

I eat hamburgers everyday to ensure that Americans, all the way from farmers to butchers to McDonald's chefs, keep their jobs.
If I am not listening to Glenn Beck than I may be blasting Skynard, Steve Miller or the Goo Goo Dolls but never Zeppelin cause they are from an inferior country.
My kids are named Chevy, He-Man and G.I. Joe. They are all real American Heros.


If you think you are more American than I dare you to prove it in the comments. I predict zero challengers because I am so American that I never lose.
PS: I am an Eagle scout and have oft sat in the Nest.