I Realized Something

I have been testing out many new internet services the past month. I figured I would give you readers a run down of the good, bad and awesome services I have been privileged to use.

Let's start with Turntable.fm

This site is pretty rad. You go into a virtual room with up to five dj slots and listen to other folks show you new songs. Choose your room by theme and jump in. I have frequented the Dub-step, electronica, indie and hardcore rooms and they have all been pretty true to genre. The crowd upvotes or downvotes the song and the DJ receives positive points for all the people bobbin' in the crowd. Sounds like a fun time right? Here are some of the drawbacks. It is a chat room for audiophiles. People get obnoxious in the chat box and talk about buzz bands that do not even have music published yet. The site does make it easy for you to connect via last.fm and facebook. It is a blast to get into a room with a group of friends and share tunes and chat it up about life. Be warned, you may feel inadequate at times if your friends start whipping out sweet tunes you are unfamiliar with.

Next, I just started using Spotify. The music sharing/streaming service has been running in Europe for a while and is just hitting the United States. It is invite only at this stage. The invites are fairly easy to get if you follow artists on Twitter. I picked one up from Mos Def and logged in after about 5 minutes. Spotify has a ton of hype behind it and I would just like to confirm it. You have to download a small program to run it off your computer and it streams music unless you upgrade to premium for 5 bucks a month but it sounds like I am listening to itunes. Audio commercials are scarce and the visual commercials on the program are not obtrusive. You can connect via facebook and see playlists published by your friends. Your friends can send you music to listen to and overall it is a fantastic legal way of sharing music with people you know. It also does not matter if you are like me and listen to new music all the time or have your favorites that you repeat. You can listen to your library or stream new stuff. It suggests artists based on what you are listening too and you can open up the artists page and view what they have to offer. I have been using Last.fm for a couple years and am considering breaking up with them for the sexy spotify.

Google+ is all over the place. People are talking about it and you may or may not be on it. Let me point out a few things I have noticed. It feels like facebook but has an easier way of controlling who sees what. They are called circles and you can place close friends in one, family in another and work people in yet another. You do not have to go through and create lists of folks that you may not want seeing everything. You simply add them to a certain circle and problem solved. Google is not revolutionizing anything. They are giving you a chance to start over and are trying to do privacy settings better than anyone else. Google+ has a small learning curve. If you are not on it yet, don't worry. You are only missing a beta testing phase of people who are on the internet too much telling people not in yet that it is the best site ever. We will see...

The internet is a great place. New sites and services popping up every day. What is going to catch on in a big way? Out of these three, Spotify. It is music sharing and radio how it should be. Not to mention it is invading America from Europe which, makes it infinitely more hip than if it had started here.

Me Helping You

So check this. I know that it is summertime and you might be looking for a sweet summer fling but picture this.
You are getting ready for the date and wondering, is it going to lead to something a little less platonic and more jumponit? Be an Eagle scout and be prepared. For that I found y'all a mixtape that will get anyone in the mood. Righteous Trash made a mixtape to not only conceal your corduroy claps but set the mood straighter than a hunter drinking Budweiser while driving his '88 Ford F-150 in the Redskins parking lot. It is 42 minutes, plenty of time to seal the deal.
Follow my man on Twitter.

Word of advice, if by the end of the cd nothing is happening but more conversation, change your strategy.

How to spot a Republican or Democrat

Today I feel the need to help people learn the real differences between Republicans and Democrats. It is not so much and ideological disconnect as it is a contrast in lifestyle. Some of you may not agree with all of the points I am making here and to the naysayers I reply, I know better than you do. So read, learn and keep your eyes open.

Republicans nearly always wear pleated pants with a tucked in polo shirt. This may be to show off their fancy and expensive belt or simply because they let their mother's not only think for them but dress them. They also tend to have a few extra pounds, probably due to the amount of red meat at Republican fundraisers. GOP supporters choose to drink Pepsi instead of Diet Coke, a staple for Democrats every where.

Experian Simmons, a large media company,  released TV viewing habits based on political preference and found some interesting results. 

Let me say that this list blew my mind. It is almost scary how accurate I have found it to be in my personal circle of friends. One of the major problems that the study pointed out is that contrary to popular belief, prime time media caters to Republican viewers.

Let me talk about Democrats for a minute. They love flat front pants and dark wash jeans. They will wear them to work and hate tucking shirts in. Ties are not popular either. Democrats have cars strewn with clothes and political memorabilia. Even if a Democrat is poor, they will drive a nicer car then their Republican counter part. Do not ask me how that works, it just does.

How will this information help you? As the election season gears up you need to arm yourself with political counter intelligence in order to pick up on subtle hints and suggestions from your political friends. Hope you feel smarter and have probably picked out a few spies in your life. They may get trickier in the coming months and say things they do not mean. They may "like" Mad Men on facebook and talk about going vegetarian or show their support for the Tea party and Glenn Beck while trying to invite you to an event that caters to "people concerned about the stewardship of natural resources." Keep your mind sharp and stay informed.

#themoreyouknow

The Amazon Jungle that Is My House

This is my 100th post and in celebration I would like to give readers a glimpse at what my house is like every night when I come home. Animals and bugs everywhere! All of these photos were taken by me last night and are only an example of the critters that were on my front porch. The raccoons, opossums, feral cats and deer did not want to hang around. I had to do a double take to make sure I was not walking into the Rainforest Cafe! I would have held the spider in my hand except I believe they are small variety tarantulas. Probably the bird eating kind since the two bald eagles that live nearby have not been flying around lately.

Bugs and creepy things are not my favorite and the porch light attracts a huge amount and variety of bugs. If any animal or bug collectors would like to catch a few easy ones they are welcome to come by. It is the third house on the right. 

Places of Worship and the Rapture

I feel the need to give my two cents on this upcoming Rapture. And how better than by using pictures of a place of worship.
I do not have a fancy picture taking device but I have a multiple mega pixel camera on my phone that allows me to make pictures on the go. I can send them as text messages right away so people everywhere can share my experience
Lots of people are making fun of the rapture on facebook and saying "Haha, give me your stuff" and other similar sentences. Some are even trying to make money off of it by offering petsitting services to those caught in the rapture, leaving behind special animals. I think we need to look at things in a different light. We need to prepare for both senarios. If the rapture happens, then we need to be there to help support society as many of the righteous are taken up and those who feel jilted lash out at God for not deeming them righteous enough. Those folks may become extremely dangerous to themselves and others. I am just being realistic. I suggest you find those that are preparing for the big event and do not seem quite ready. Keep an eye on them. Invite them to a BBQ at night, in able to help them unwind from the possible disappointment. Think about it, when you are wrong you do not like it rubbed in your face but would appreciate a burger or something, right?

If it does not happen, we need basically the same plan. Those folks will probably be bummed that they have to return to their less than celestial life and may even begin a faith crisis. As fellow human beings, we need to look out for one another. Let's face it, whether or not you belong to the same faith, subscribe to the same scripture, we are all people. We should all relate to one another in triumph and sorrow. I believe that "no man knoweth the day, nor the hour..." but, I also believe that "insomuch as ye do these things unto the least of my brethren, even you have done them unto me."

French Fries Can't Get Any Better

Not only does the Village Cafe in Richmond have fantastic french fries, you know the kind that are super crunchy and have something fried on the outside, but they definitely have taken it to the next level. So I was munching late night at the joint and noticed something on the menu. It said Pizza Fries. I was slurping down a pumpkin pie milkshake at the time but my curiosity overcame me. I needed to try those bad boys.

My friends and I ordered a plate and were super pleased when these showed up. BOOM! Thats right! Pizza on top of french fries, exactly what I pictured. These delicious strips of starch and marinara sauce made my night. They come out on a super hot plate though so if you order them, be aware and don't get burned.

The guy brought out ranch with them and if you didn't already know, fries are great when you dip them in stuff. Ranch dipped fries are good but so were pumpkin pie milkshake dipped fries. The fry tasted like flakey pie crust that only grandmas and stay at home moms know how to make. This story is a perfect segment into a bit of life philosophy, always try new items on the menu.

Here is what happens when you try out new menu items. There are only a few outcomes and none are that bad. Best case you find a new favorite dish and are propelled into the best mood ever. Middle case, you are largely unimpressed but not disgusted either. Oh well, like the lottery always says, try again next time. Worst case, you get the worst tasting dinner you have had and are stomped into an emotional swamp by your choice. Bright side is that you have not wasted money, rather invested it in the knowledge of what not to ever eat again. Things always work out.

Jam to this song.

Mario Brothers Romance

I am an avid Mario fan. I love his games! It is perfect for someone who likes to sit and play for a few minutes or a few hours. Recently, the topic of Mario's crown jewel game has come up in casual conversation. I feel it necessary to address a few concerns about each game and why it is or isn't the best Mario.

Super Mario Bros. (1985, NES)
This game started the franchise. Some people may argue that Jumpman was the first Mario in the old Donkey Kong games. He is not the same Mario as the lovable plumber you help through a world of obstacles and smash plants, fungi and turtles while gettin' paid with floating coins. Super Mario Bros introduced us to what an adventure game could be and a fantastic world. The music was great and so where the levels and secrets! They had to put in warp pipes since you could not save the game which is a major flaw in my opinion.

Super Mario Bros.: The Lost Levels (1986, NES (Japan) Virtual Console, 2007 (USA))
This is the original second title and it was released in Japan in 1986 but due to the extreme difficulty and sameness to the first game the company decided not to release it in America. An amended version was released with Super Mario All Stars as The Lost Levels but it was not the full game.

Super Mario Bros. 2 (1988, NES)
Many people have not played this one. They do not know that you could choose between Mario, Luigi, Peach and Toad to battle through this world of totally different and new enemies. It is very important to note that this one is nothing like the first Super Mario Bros. It was a redesigned game made to western tastes which some argue ruined it. You either love or hate this game and as I have tried and failed many times to beat it, it is not my favorite.

Super Mario Bros. 3 (1990, NES)
This game is the favorite of many. It introduced new moves and a raccoon, frog and boot suit. Really fun gameplay, fairly challenging and playing two player makes staying in later worlds much easier. I would say this is the best Mario since it feels so pure and technologically unadulterated but you cannot save and for that reason I will be forever stuck on the last level. Number three is a fantastic adventure game and one of the best video games ever made.

Super Mario World (1990, SNES)
This game is bad to the bone. It is my favorite of all the main console Mario games and added much to Mario's legacy and style. The flying cape was introduced, Yoshi was introduced and the football linebacker was introduced. Plus, to beat a level you jumped through goal posts at the end and gained stars! Super fun game with over 100 different levels and the Star Road levels were so hard. They were named things like Tubular and Gnarly which made them even better. And you could save! Finally, a game that allowed you to work at your own pace.

Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island (1995, SNES)
I only played this game a few times and did not like being Yoshi and dragging around baby Mario. It was a clean and good looking game and serves as a prequel to all the games in the Mario timeline.

Super Mario 64 (1996, N64)
This game is fantastic! It gave players the ability to explore worlds instead of jump on side scrolling obstacle courses. The levels themselves were fairly large and tons of new gameplay styles were introduced. This is my number 2 Mario game and it is a close second. The game is phenomenal and revolutionized the gaming world. Plus, I know you remember looking at the graphics and saying, "Holy Smokes! Mario looks sooooooo good! Graphics can't get any better than this."

Super Mario Sunshine (2002, Gamecube)
This game was a huge disappointment. Probably my least favorite of all the major platform Marios. Mario cannot solve things just by wearing new clothes in Sunshine, he resorts to a backpack that sprays water. Plus I think everyone was too busy with Pokemon when this one came out to even pay attention.

Super Mario Galaxy (2007, Wii)
This game is great and really added some fun new elements to Mario. It is the best reviewed Wii game and second best reviewed game of all time. It also caused headaches and vertigo as I played through. Wonderful, wonderful Vertigo.

New Super Mario Bros. Wii (Wii)
I was super excited when this game came out. It was really fun and allowed the player to frustrate friends by jumping on, and sending people down pits and into enemies, on accident or purpose.

Super Mario Galaxy 2 (Wii)
This game improved on Super Mario Galaxy in ways I did not think it would be able too. It also brought back Yoshi. The worlds in this game are simply fantastic and really allow the player to get lost in a fantasy. It is also a one player type game that has a second player option that ends up being really fun. The second player just wipes the wand around and collects stuff, kills enemies and other small tasks but it it really fun and lets kids play along while you enjoy the actual game.

So I left out the gameboy and virtual boy games and there are a few worth mentioning in that group but, I wanted to stick with the main console games. Mario has been a wonderful friend in my life and helped me be a hero when I didn't think I could. I just want Waluigi to show up and maybe Wario and cause some trouble for Mario instead of Bowser. Maybe next time Nintendo.

CD Review: Femme Fatal by Britney Spears

Recommend purchasing the CD for the insert

Let me start of by saying this, the first listen to the CD I was feeling the beats and bobbing my head to the catchy melodies. The second listen and idea popped into my head that made the CD much less attractive. Some of the songs sound like Ke$ha wrote them and decided not to put them on her CD since they were to bland or repetitive.

Some of you may be thinking I do not appreciate her voice and am looking at her CD as a Pitchfork elitist but I will have you know, I love girl-pop. This is not a good example of it. Britney is definitely on the downhill slope as queen of pop.

Take "Criminal" for example. That song starts with an ill thought clip out of a renaissance fair and the lyrics are about a bad boy that has caught Britney's heart. Ho-Hum. I felt like I should have been eating a fried chicken drumstick out of a bucket and looking at a poster of Kid Rock. That is not the only bad example. In the song "Femme Fatal" there is a line about taking her to a dungeon and eating her panties. I wish I were making this up but Britney is certainly more creative than I am at coming up with bad lyrics that do not make much sense.

There is a class that studies the late rapper 2-Pac's lyrics as poetry. I believe Britney's lyrics could also be studied as a strange sociological and psychological history of a poor girl's rise and fall through the American dream and what not to write if you want to be taken seriously as an artist.

There are a few high points on the CD. "Till the World Ends" is catchy and fun even if it sounds exactly like Ke$ha's "Blow." "Big Fat Bass" is the best constructed song on the CD. w.ill.iam adds a tremendous amount of style and talent to the song.

I think she looks great with a shaved head

"Femme Fatal" is not a CD I would recommend to anyone. I would tell someone looking to jam to catchy female-lead pop to check out Sky Ferreria, Robyn or Ke$ha. Britney Spears needs to invest the money she gets from "Femme Fatal," retire comfortably and maybe do a comeback tour with all of her hits in 10 years. That is about how long I waited for this disappointment.

If you are in the mood for the faire, check out the song "Criminal" below. This link even has the lyrics so you can read, ponder and krinkle your brow in confusion.

Fashion Tips for the Guys

Do not buy this shirt.

Mormon Democrat?!

As a person who often finds himself aligned with progressive policy in a community of conservative ideologues, I find that I stir up people's idea of what their community should look like. I will give you two examples that happened to me this weekend and seem to illustrate the issues I deal with.


I was out at a bonfire complete with singing, fire, smores, guitar and darkness. One young man sang an original song with lyrics including the name of Mit Romney. The last verse of the song he replaced Governor Romney's name with Harry Reid's. I should probably clarify that it was a Mormon bonfire and Romney and Reid are both Mormons. The difference is that one is a republican and one a democrat. After Reid's name was spoken, a hiss leaked out in the crowd as if someone had brought up a dark family secret. I speak with many Mormons about politics and I respect Harry Reid as a politician and Mormon. My view is the exception to the rule. I have struggled with this predujice as I have often been on the "wrong side" of political discussions in Mormon groups. I decided to embark on a historical journey and figure out why mormons are so strongly Republican.























I had a Bishop mention Ezra Taft Benson, former President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and first mormon appointed to a cabinet position as Secretary of Agriculture under Dwight Eisenhower. He told me that I shouldn't worry about being a democrat and a Mormon since it does in fact work but left me wondering what Ezra Tat Benson had to do with his anything. So I searched and found this quote.

“In February 1974 Apostle Ezra Taft Benson was asked during an interview if a good Mormon could also be a liberal Democrat. Benson pessimistically replied: ‘I think it would be very hard if he was living the gospel and understood it.'"

I have a theory and it assumes that the best indicator of political preference is parents political preference. Mormon's have voted in blocks whenever a church leader has come out in support of one candidate or another. David O. McKay, former president of the Church, met with both John F. Kennedy Junior and Richard M. Nixon in the 1960 Presidential campaign and wished them both luck but said he hoped Nixon would win. This was covered by the press and a state with strong Republican support misinterpreted the statement as an endorsement by church leadership of Nixon. Nixon then went on to win Utah in the 1960 campaign.

Kennedy did have receive support in Utah it was not enough to enable him to win the state but in 1964,  Lyndon B. Johnson became the last democrat to secure Utah in a presidential campaign. Since then, Utah has voted Republican for president. The state legislature has also become less competitive and more republican controlled.

Joseph Smith Jr. said, of mormon voting,

"What a strange people these Mormons are. They are like a flock of sheep; if I should jump into hell, I believe they would follow me!”

- Prophet Joseph Smith, Jr., on the block-voting of Mormons, Macomb Journal, January 25, 1877, p. 2, “Politics and Mormons”

The strong block of mormon voters makes me sad. It is not because I personally feel ostracized, rather, I feel that instead of actually thinking and creating opinions about politics, people in the mormon church fall in line and vote how their neighbors vote. That is a dangerous practice and mormons have been counciled against blindly following leaders in and out of church.

Throughout its first century, Utah maintained a strong two-party commitment. It has since become dominated by conservative politics. I find it interesting that Utah is strongly in favor of public education and national park conservation, both progressive ideas. I guess we all have our dirty little secrets. If you find yours is being a democrat in conservative circles, just remember that at one point Utah voted for a democrat.

This is an overview history of Utah's voting outcomes

A Little Life Advice

I do not know what sport this is but it looks fantastic. Animals, punching, mud and optional helmets make any activity fun filled. This is conflict in its best form, face to face and direct. What is conflict in its worst form? Whenever it starts and plays out on facebook. I know you have seen it and may even have participated in calling someone out or making a reference to one person via a status update. I am here to tell you, don't. Unless you only have five friends and they were all involved. I may be fighting a losing battle since cyber drama and cyber bullying are becoming more prominent as kids lose the ability to socially interact I choose to stand strong nonetheless. 

Depressing status updates are also no fun. People let me down too, but I choose not to rain on everyone's newsfeed. Trust me, that will only make things worse for you. Misery may love company but it is rarely fun, uplifting and nice. I have spoken to people who saw an episode of MTV Made. and want to get made into a more social person. They ask me how I do it and the answer is simple to say, step out of your comfort bubble. Even people who seem to have no problem talking to others make conscious decisions to open their mouths. This does not mean you should open your mouth to simply make noise. I have heard people who make strange animal sounds or blurts instead of speaking and it baffles me. I would not try and enter a conversation by speaking in German. I would get weird looks and no one would know how to respond. If you think bleep, bloop, blah or skearie is going to help people talk to you, they won't. 

You may really want to change. Good for you. Unless you do something about it, nothing is going to magically happen. If you are looking for a job, outwork everyone around you until you find a job. If you want friends, be the friend that you would like to have in your life to others and proactively meet new people. If you want a girl or boyfriend, go on dates and look nice while updating your skills so you are constantly leveling up. Follow President Obama's lead and quit making excuses and get things done.

BYU Conservative Art Controversy

I feel art has always been a fun instigator of controversy and BYU seems to mix the palette from time to time. BYU has recently censored art for being too conservative. That is right, too conservative. This showed up in the headlines and I figured, what do they think is too conservative? It is a private christian university with about five young democrats and located in Provo, Utah, a stop sign red state.

I found an artist's webpage who had his art pulled. I can understand why he would be upset, loss of revenue from sales in the school bookstore. Let me offer my condolences to him. You will probably have more sales of your work this upcoming week than last year combined. Free publicity has that effect. Plus, you know armageddon is coming when a conservative university is taken over by the current liberal, left wing educational system in America. I think it says it in Revelations somewhere.

So I wanted to check out what was too conservative for BYU. Here is a picture, here is a link to his site and below are the highlights from one of the paintings in question.

We are free to worship as we please
but, if you are not Christian, we are going
to try and teach you how God made this
country greater than yours. 

This said Supreme Court Judge at the top.

This lady looks crazy.

This is my favorite quote.
At the beginning it explains how
the professor is part of the liberal
brainwashing machine known
as higher education in
America.

It is difficult for this lady to have
standards in the business world.
She wants lower taxes for herself
and less government regulation
in her public life unless the government
is going to bailout and save her bank
because of misplaced speculation
on the United States housing market.

Now you know a little more about the conservative censorship controversy or the CCC, I hope you realize one thing. People need to be more open to differing viewpoints. BYU would not need to censure art exhibits if folks calmed down and were willing and able to understand that the painter of this painting believes in certain things I personally do not agree with. It is opinion not fact and it all depends on perspective. BYU should shift perspective to Jimmer Fredette. It is something everyone can agree on!

I offer advice to the BYU art people. Host a communal communist cartoon project, or CCCP for short. I think it will be a real hit and the press release can talk about "including all viewpoints," and "proletariat brushstrokes inspired by the bourgeoisie."

My Dream Car

This has been on my mind lately. Part of growing up is purchasing your own transportation enabling you to get your grind on. If I lived in Europe I would just get a bus pass and a bike but I live in America which means I need a car. Choosing a car is a tough decision, worse than choosing shoes and I have been searching for new shoes for about a year now.

So I have been thinking about what kind of things would be important in a car for me. Since I am a very rational guy the speed and sexy factor are very low on my list. I figure I can impress the ladies without a small sports car and the car I do want, may impress them more. I do want good gas milage. I would rather the car ran on electricity or vegetable oil but a hybrid will do. I need a car to fit my tall frame and it needs to be comfortable to drive. I would like some room in the back to haul things around in, not because I do it everyday but because I end up carrying bikes, plants, wood, groceries and people frequently. Those are my basic requirements for a vehicle and one class of cars fits that list perfectly. Vans.

ign.com coverage of Tokyo Auto Show

Vans. Many of my peers do not like the idea of vans. They are uncool and no fun to drive they say. I must interject! Vans are the greatest of all worlds and I will prove it to you.
What other car can you carry friends for a mobile party in? And I am not talking just a handful of friends. I want 6 buddies comfortably sitting in captain chairs, watching at least one movie with their own climate control. Oh and what is this?! A storage area full of treats?! Hell yeah vans can be fully stocked. You want to play a game while on a road trip? Vans have tables for that, not laps.
What if I want to feel the adrenaline of going way to fast around turns? The SE model vans have extra pepper in their less gas friendly, but more sporty engines. Rev it up. Plus you can carry kids, yours or someone else's, while racing around. The Kia Sedona and Volkswagen Routan get from zero to sixty in 6.7 seconds! That is faster than plenty of compacts that tuners start out with. Plus the insurance is lower.



Here is a rap song with a minivan in it.


Here is a run down of how great the Toyota Sienna is. Lounge style captains chairs, widescreen DVD player, seating for tons of people and 26 MPG! This thing is so sick. Toyota should hook me up with one and I will make videos of how fun and functional these bad boys are. I will open the sliding side doors and jump GT Dynos through the middle of it just because I can.
If I have not convinced you yet of how awesome minivans are, go test drive one without your parents. If you do not have to drive it, you will appreciate it so much more.

Music I Listen To

Last.fm has made a great image of my favorite tunes from last year. When I opened up the file I laughed and blushed. They are the songs that I listened to more than I should have. The results are slightly skewed since I did not have the computer scrobbler installed until recently so the bands and songs represented in the chart are what I listened to on my phone only. Whenever I walked around campus or drove somewhere or exercised, this is what was playing in my earphones.

I love mash-ups and radio rap. What more can I say? (Link to image)

Link to Deskhop's site. Since you might not know why I listened to him so much.

This is why I want kids.

Happy Easter

Merry Easter to you! Today is a religious holiday of Christian importance. It marks the day that Jesus Christ was resurrected after his crucifixion. Many people forget that Easter is a religious holiday and focus on the commercial easter bunny and jelly snacks at Walgreens. I figured a brief explanation would be worth my time.
Easter is the most important Christian holiday. Christmas is the most popular but there would be no Christmas with out Easter. Just think about it. You may have seen purple cloth draped over crosses displayed in church yards. This is due to Jesus' final trip into Jerusalem as "The King of the Jews." Purple is royal color and it is significant that Jesus would have been dressed in purple because the other people who wore that color were in the Roman government.
The Romans had many issues with the Jewish region of their empire and a person emerging as "King of the Jews" was a upsetting to Roman officials. Jesus was interviewed by Ponchus Pilot and Pilot brought him before the Jewish people who called for his execution. Jesus was then humiliated and marched through the streets to his death.
Regardless of your personal religious beliefs, you need to know Easter's background. The Christian religion is one of the largest in the world and has shaped western philosophy and culture. Now you are a little smarter. Happy Easter!

Who's That Brown ?

So I was high browsing the internet today and found this gem. It is a creative new spin on music videos. I loved it. I laughed and had fun while participating in the song. Plus the song is pretty dope-d-dope.
Song is Who's that Brown by Das Racist. Check out this 8-bit video game with funny commentary on their very own website.

So yeah this is a quick update but I needed to share it with friends. It makes me feel like this cat.
Speaking of sick 8 bit beats, I want to hear the pause screen from Battletoads turned into a rap beat. I mean I know they have made Zelda and Super Smash Brothers music into raps but they need to do something with Battletoads. If you never had the chance to play that game I feel sorry for you. I never got past the third level, the one where you zoom through the cave on motorcycles. Mostly because I always played 2 player and ended up fighting my friends with the robo legs.
Great memories with the amphibians from outer space.

Night at the Movies with Mic #1

Hey all, it's Diamond_Tough I'm gonnna talk about movies I like cause I took a film class in college so that qualifies me to critique movies, mostly ones made in the 80's cause you know that was awesomer due to the fact that most movies these days are boo hoo dramas or special effect wet dreams.  So here is where I review shit but with a twist I'll watch it while I review, today I'm reviewing License to Kill, you know Bond MOTHERFUCKER:

First I ask you to bask in the glory of the movie poster, do peope make movie posters like this anymore? No cause ever since computers were invented people said "screw painting bad ass movie posters, let's just take a still from the film and add a gazillion explosions".  Well there are explosions in this (sky) painting but there aren't a gazillion of them and it's a work of art, so there.  So of this movie shows us a lot more of an emo bond, he isn't doing business shit and spying on people he's chillin' with his bro who just got married, unfortunatly he's bro is one of the people who are buzzkills, you know DEA agents who don't want us to get the good drugs so quite frankly when a pissed off drug kingpin kills Bond's homie I don't really feel any sympathy, I had a huge deal coming out of Cuba and those DEA douches shut it down so now I have to sit at home and collect unemployment... Oh well look whose getting emo now.  So like all Bond movies it's got action that will make you stiff in the pants, bad guys who are just straight dicks (unlike emo villians of today who have a "conscious"), so Bond's homie gets killed cause he was being a buzzkill and and tried to ruin some guys business, I mean wouldn't you be a little upset if you had a couple business transactions going through wouldn't you be a little upset?  Anyways, so Bond finds out about this quits his jobs and royally fucks this dudes world up, you know cause Bond isn't a cold hearted dude if his homie gets killed he kills a lot more people and why not?  He's good at it, if you were good at things I wouldn't judge you, talents are talents man you can't stifle someone's skill.  You notice the part where he finds his dude's wife dead, he kinda touches her boob, no joke, maybe Timothy Dalton hadn't been getting laid lately, I'm not sure, I'd love to see the director's cut but I doubt that'll happen anytime soon.  Now the black dude helps his dude out, I'm pretty sure this is the only bond movie with black people in it (except the part in Casion Royale where he chases the monkey dude, again not being racist the guy is as agile and can climb like a monkey, if he was white I"d say the same thing and I'm not being racist I don't know the guy's name) plus he has the most greatest line in cinema history "Chainsaw my ass!  I know a shark bite when I see one".  Golden.  I've already seen this and I don't feel like typing random crap forever but let's just say Bond kicks ass, takes a hiatus from stopping those damn commies and then rolls a fat jay with his homies and reminisces about the good old days while playing cards and drinking 40oz with his dudes, did I mention there are sharks in this movie?  Yeah sharks, you should rent it or watch it on netflix, two boners up.

Kittens

I love kittens I used to have one til my landlord told me I had to get rid of it, it looked like this:

It wasn't actually mine it was my ex room mates but I loved it like mine and a kitten is both an annoying and wonderful thing to have.  She used to whine a lot but that's okay she probably picked it up from me, this post is just saying the I miss O.G. Kush and that she was a fine feline.  The day I had to take her the it was raining I stopped at a gas station for directions and a pack of smokes and came back and she wasn't in the car I panicked but she was just hiding under the seat the realization that I just found something I was losing was both heartbreaking and relieving.  I know we at Ranged Bedfellows talk about silly things every now and then but you know I thought I'd have a serious post for once and let everyone know that giving up a pet isn't something that just assholes do, it's a heartbreaking business.  How would you feel having a frightened animal clinging onto you with it's claws while you walk through the rain to the shelter too scared to be put on a table, it isn't a pity me post either it's just saying that it isn't an easy thing to do I'm just giving a more serious post and also dropping knowledge on you, next time you go to a shelter and say "what kinda asshole would leave an animal like that?"  Probably someone who couldn't take care of it and wanted a better home for it, humanity seems so simplified and people seem so typecasted by television and movies but sometimes people do things cause they have to, simply put.  Life isn't something were someone can just do a 180 and make the most desperate situation work out perfectly so stop thinking like that, life is real and all of us do shitty things cause we have to, so don't beat yourself up about being an awful person and stop doing lame stuff.  Maybe your friends will like you more if you stopped complaining (save it for your stupid band or your blog), bumming things off them all the time and being a bitter pussy about life.  Yeah, yeah, it's hard I spent two months in an apartment without electricity so don't go crying to me about your ex boyfriend hating you or everyone seeing through your shallow facade, like I'm supposed to be surprised and taken aback that someone hates you (or me for that matter).  As I get older humanity just seems to get me so fed up, I get caught up in high school drama that I'm far too old for just to validate myself and make myself feel important, it's a lie and it's not me but I do it out of boredom and it got me nowhere.  So this is a psa for all of you, stop being a selfish asshole and maybe you won't be alone so much (this goes for me too, most of these are self critiques), or maybe deal with being alone for once, read a book learn guitar you don't need other people to validate your life.  If Picasso gave a shit about friend counts or parties we'd never have Guernica, think about that.  Plus what's so great about someone who has fun all the time?  Put on your party hat and pretend that America isn't falling apart, that you're too young for politics, well when you're my age you'll be perfectly screwed thanks to your apathy.  So in short stop relying on your stupid friends, we're all fed up (they're fed up, I'm fed up, you're fed up, we're fed up) do something on your own for once, if people stopped watching tv and giving a shit about Jersey Shore we could have some beautiful books and art come out, but no, watching Jersey Shore is easy and plus if you study it enough you can imitate that drama in real life, swell.

P.S. They're coming out with another fucking Fast and Furious movie this time with the Rock in it acting like he can drive and shoot a shotgun at the same time, is this all you have to offer us Hollywood?  Self serving indie dramas or mindless movies with a gazillion explosions?  Good job as long as it's in 3D it'll be a hit!  They should re release Apocalypse Now in 3D I'd seriously eat that shit up no lie.  And does anyone else think Vin Diesel looks like a oversized teddy bear that was covered in human skin and muscles and they spent so much time inventing Vin Diesel that they forgot to program acting versatility or emotion into it, am I the only one who thinks that?  He has little teddy bear ears when he acts tough it's like watching someone imitate their tough older brother, if Vin Diesel tried to talk to me I don't know if I'd tickle his ears or break his face with brass knuckles to solidify his career as a Hollywood tough guy, Charles Bronson wasn't cute and he blew people up in his movies and was like "it's those damn drugs!" and took out every drug cartel in Las Angeles, can Vin Diesel do that?  No the tough drug dudes would just stroke his ears and tell him how cute he is, so obviously they aren't going to remake the Deathwish series with Vin Diesel, cause there is no actor ugly enough to replace Charles Bronson and that's why Charles Bronson is so awesome!

P.S.S. sorry if I sound bitter or whatnot, spring time allergies are a bitch and is Seasonal Affect Disorder a real thing or is it some pop psychology thing?  Cause it seems like every Spring I just want to hide in my apartment, let me know if I'm buying into pop sike hype or not, thanx.

This one is for the Fans

This post is for a few readers that own Volvos. Thought you would like the ad.
I like that the advice that being sexy is a bad thing since so many new diseases are around. This is basically stating that Volvo is a method of birth control. Which means it probably wants to be included in Abstinence education.

The Abstinence education program may be more effective if children are rewarded with a shiny silver Volvo instead of an credit card that does not work at any stores I have ever been too. I think I used mine to break into my bedroom and bent it so badly it wouldn't fit in my wallet. Ugh. The worst part is that I didn't get into my room and I had locked myself out. That is when I approached my mother, destroyed Abstinence Till Marriage card in hand, and  confessed to what I could not reverse. My dad was so mad he kicked down the door!

Now I know to just buy a Volvo.

Get Primal

High-browsing the internet this morning led me to a fantastic picture. It is national geographic quality don't you think?

I am waiting for the episode of Planet Earth with animal chase scenes. It might just be worth filming a wild chase and making it pay-per-view. Call your buddies over and get primal. Not UFC beat down primal, or gentlemanly exploitation of lower classes in a boxing ring primal. No we need to get back to hunter primal instincts. Have raw meat served as snacks and cheer on the lion or tiger or bear as it chases down a rabbit. I bet people would watch that.

Speaking of awesome. I watched a hawk dive into the river after something, probably a seal,  as I was waiting for a drawbridge to come down. Jelly?

Meeting someone famous

So today I met a well known public figure. It was a different than expect. No, it wasn't that they didn't meet some grand imaginative detail I had. I think part of the reason I was so thrown off was this quote about Jesus that I heard as a boy. I recall hearing that when a person meets Jesus they will be surprised at how familiar he will be. It is that idea that really spun me for a loop today.

When I met the person, I suddenly lost track of real memory. My brain kicked all these pictures, videos and "memories" of interaction to the forefront of my consciousness. This happened at the moment that I was shaking hands and answering questions. I started to feel at ease and as if the person and I had a history together. I did not feel awestruck, rather, confused at why I had all these memories of a person, that my logical brain was telling me, I had never met.

I am sure other's experiences may vary. It does lead me to question if this same principle leads the many people who remember friends, family, celebrities or religious figures as earnest beings playing important roles in their lives, to testify with a certainty an event that logically could have never happened. It probably also leads people who read the book before the movie to hate or love the job actors do as a favorite character. The book creates such a vivid mental image that when it contrasts with the silver screen's version, it disappoints.

Since this happened to me today I think I will only get worse. I will start meeting people in real life that have somehow lived the pages of inTouch magazine. These people will introduce themselves as Jodi Mollock but I will remember them as Tina Fey. This is a warning. I will probably suddenly know tons of famous people. So if you are disappointed that I meeting I set up falls out, don't say I didn't warn you.

Sorry I've Had a Cold

Alright so here we go, everyone has been talking about it so I'll just put in my two cents and like I said this blog is about things we like so here you go, here's what I think about the new Cold Cave (you guys can breath now I've finally opened up about it):

It's the bomb, I haven't heard the entire album (like a physical copy, it's on order but it'll probably take days to get) but from what I can tell it's a slam dunk of an album

Since I haven't heard the whole album, I'll just review one song cause it's a great song and I'll tell you what I love about it, it's this one:

Now now you got a jam here.  Let's see we got some Joy Divisionesque vocals, pumping syths and it's super bomb.  You may be like dude who sings for this used to be in American Nightmare?  And I'd be like yeah but I'd have to say this is better which is akin to blasphemy but whatever I'm not some hardcore kid sitting by his computer anyway (I don't even have a computer lucky for you).  So pumping bass, check, shout along lyrics check, I think everyone should listen to this album and try to pick it up somewhere, it's gonna be flying off the shelves in vinyl format so order a copy today and me being a lazy contributor I can't even say if this is out yet or not but hell you can do what I do and just keep listening to the song over and over again.  We like this song on Ranged Bedfellows so you should too and here are some pictures I like of people slam dunking:
  

Love, Diamond_Tough

Everyone Hates Mic

Hullo! Diamond Tough is back aka "Mic" just dropping a line to show everyone that there is a new "old" contributor I lost my old blogger account and blah blah blah.  So here we go again more posts from Mic everyone is so excited, this is a slam dunk of a post!

Since this blog is mostly about shit that we like I'll have to opine on something that has been making me delighted all year: mcdoubles.  All I eat are mcdoubles, not the double cheeseburger now that's risky business I mean a quarter for an extra slice of cheese?  Please!  That's all really just expect more crap from me in the coming days

love, Diamond_Tough

For the love of Food

The problem with recipe sites and cooking shows is they always show you how to cook if you feel like cooking. I am not ashamed to admit that I often find myself too lazy to cook. When I am feeding just me it get especially hard since cooking for one is much more difficult than preparing a meal for a group. Plus, you do not have everyone marveling at your cooking skills, just you wondering if you ate enough.
I propose to do something about this. I am going to share little things that I whip up when I am too lazy to really make food.

The Tuna Melt:
Things needed;
can of tuna
4 slices of bread
cheese
butter (optional)

This is the bad boy I eat almost every day for lunch. Folks on the internet say it is healthy which may turn many of you off. Do not listen to them. There is danger that you could get ultra high levels of mercury in your bloodstream from eating this everyday. Live on the edge.

I open a can of whatever tuna was on sale and spread the entire thing out over two slices of bread. Then I top with cheese. If I am really lazy I use pre shredded cheddar or mexican mix. Make sure the tuna is sufficiently protected with cheese otherwise, it will burn your mouth badly as you impatiently take a first bite. Then throw this in a George Foreman grill or snack-master for quickest results. Only use the microwave if you are desperate. If you must, butter the outsides and sprinkle with salt then cook it in a pan. Brown the outside of the bread to a desirable color and texture. Eat.
If you want a variation spice the tuna with sauce or spices that you personally enjoy and use provolone or mozzarella cheese as the cheddar will not play well with flavored tuna.

That is how you make a good lunchtime belly filler. I would also love to showcase some food items that I purchase every grocery trip.





Bumblebee Tuna creations: Spicy Thai
This stuff is incredible. It tastes so good and is ready to eat faster than a hot pocket! Even comes with crappy crackers you can throw away.







Go-Go squeeZ
Applesauce in a bag. This is just like go-gurt but with applesauce. I hate eating applesauce with a spoon so these guys made it possible to eat old and bruised apples for people like me.









Yoplait Red Velvet Cake Yogurt
I am not like those clueless dudes on the commercials. I love yogurt and this flavor is the tits. Tastes nothing like the actual cake.








I am always looking out for lazy eaters like myself. Take these and add them to your shopping list today. Lebron James did and look at how good he is at basketball.